Who is your BFF? That has a lot to say about you and where you are headed. My pastor always says "hang with those who have your answers and get away from those who have your problems" to highlight the importance of who we associate with. Those who we keep near and dear truly have an affect on us, oftentimes unsubconsciously. It's really important that we ask God who we should have as friends and also be honest with ourselves when he reveals that to us. Early in my college career I was talking to a guy I met through a good friend of mine. The girl knew that I wanted to keep my virginity till I got married so she would try to convince me to just engage in oral sex with him. This advice from her was out of good intent. She loved me as a friend and wanted "the best" for me. However, what the world sees as "the best" is not necessarily what God has for us. Thank God I did not take her advice. As hard as it was, I ended that friendship... not in a rude manner but by distancing myself. Ending relationships/friendships that you know are not good for you are not fun or enjoyable and oftentime hurts! But it's very much necessary. For the 1st half of my college years I didn't have any friends. Most college students were into the party/club scene and I was really trying to live a life that was pure before God. I spent many nights alone with no friends but all the time would pray for godly friends. Eventually God sent them to me. And like Stormie said, it doesn't have to be a lot of friends. Just a solid few.
Reading this chapter made me realize that:
(1) I need to pray for the health of my friendships. When I pray for my friends it's always for the situations that they may be facing and never for the actual health of my relationship. My attitute was always more that: Some friendships are forever and some are seasonal. Whenever hardships came by, I always thought that maybe my time with that friend had expired but never that it could be the devil's doing. Some friendships are indeed seasonal so it will be important for us to know which become expired. We need wisdom from God for that.(2) I need to build a closer relationship with my brothers and sisters-in Christ from church. This doesn't mean that I will be extra close to all of them, but more so that I will at least have a compassionate heart towards them, pray for them, and be more friendly. It's true that you never know what the person next to you may be going through and we have been assigned to the same house of God. Stormie says "you will never be all that God created you to be if you are not connected to a spiritual family"... that's pretty deep!
(3) I need to pray for my old friends to be transformed. Especially those from high school who I don't communicate much with anymore (it's been 10 years since high school... yikes!)
(4) I need widom as to which friends I should add. As I enter into marriage, I realize that I will need people that can boost me up in this area and help keep me accountable. Also people to serve as mentors.
Sorry this was so long, guys lol.. Love you all! and HBD Vanessa!!
So since reading this chapter I have kept wondering whether some friendships ended prematurely because I didn't protect them...
ReplyDeleteGreat post Lety! I actually recall the conversation we had about the whole friends situation. Little did I know that the friends I needed were right in front of me, I just never paid attention.
ReplyDeleteYou're totally right that its not about the amount of friends you have but having those solid few that you can count on to lift you up as you do the same for them. Its really important to weed out the negative and create a strong positive foundation, especially if you are just beginning or planning to deepen your walk with Christ.
It has been difficult distancing myself from certain friends, but eventually you start to see the progress youre making without all the unnecessary distractions. I thank God for my sharpening irons and I pray that God gives us the strength to continue to nourish the relationships we should have and weed out the ones we shouldnt.
Long post but pretty deep!
ReplyDeletePoint#1- wow! Never thought of praying for the health of my friendships, usually for the person themselves but not for the direction of the friendship itself, changing my perspective a lot!
Like you said on point #3, For people that I know and that are walking according to this world, it is not for me to judge them, however it is my duty to get on my knees & cry out to God to transform them (#PowerofaPrayer).
I can totally relate to those lonely college nights, except I was longing to fit in especially at the beginning of my freshman year, without doing the crazy things; thankfully fitting in turned out to be impossible & four years later, I got out of college with one really good girlfriend that I can trust to keep me accountable :). Like Stormie said, it's not about the quantity but the quality of our friendships (who said the more the better? Lol). I am really glad with the few that I have. & lately God has been creating my entourage filled with Women of God .. I dig it!
Wow I can totally relate to you, any one who has seen me around people knows I can be a bit of strange individual and When I first went to college I did feel that loneliness and felt that I didn't belong, and just like you fitting in was never meant for me until I moved out of that UNIVERSITY and found friends that I didn't need to try hard or be who I wasn't, who didn't influence me or judge me. YES WHO SAID THE MORE THE BETTER??
DeleteLety,
ReplyDeleteI still think that some relationships are seasonal, with a seasonal purpose in our lives. You might have not protected them but maybe you've learned something from them?
Sorry for the late post but i agree with Vanessa as well as Stormie on the fact that its not about quantity but the quality.I can testify to that because i come with a baggage and all sorts of weirdness and i can count on the palm of my hands the people that took all my flaws and weirdness and been honest friends.Matter of fact I do not even use the word friends for theses people i call them my sisters or guardian angles . I on the other hand graduate from a high school class of 54 and went on to a college where i knew no one. My first friend was my roommate who went the biggest high school in Chicago(2000 students) and knew everyone at SIUC .She got me in so much trouble because her friends and her smoked MaryJ in our room (Therefore i had to coverup for her sometimes when i knew the RA or the Reslife people were coming )and got into fights when we went out. I am not perfect and i have my flaws ( i used to drink a lot) but i remember my sister telling me before i started college that the people you start with you will not end with. And that was funny because second semester came and all my roommates friends that i use to hung in my room none of them came back. As the bible say do not judge for you shall be judged , i decided to help her out. Even though she i did not agree with some of the things she did, i always made sure she was up and went to class, we studied together and i helped with assignments . I even attempted to give her my job position when i switched job lol(because i did not have a drivers license) .To cut the long story short i moved out on my own after freshman to an off campus apartment ans i stop keeping up with her. I felt really bad because every time i reached out to her randomly she really needed me whether it being helping her fill FASFA or registering for classes. My question at stake for you ladies is , sometimes we get into certain relationships or friendship and realize its no good, but deep in your hearts we know we want to help that person or know that person needs you. How do you go about situations like that? do you let go or strive to save it?
ReplyDeleteHey Nana, I would say it depends. The way I see it, there are 2 different cases of those friendships/relationships:
ReplyDelete1.) The friend that's not on the right path and would take me down too. To that I say, get away! Gotta do what you gotta do to protect your heart (Prov 4:23)
2.) The friend that's not on the right path, but based on how your relationship is, you're "stronger". To that, I would say do try to help as much as you can. Keep in mind, though, that you cannot change them! They have to want it bad enough for themselves. So praying for them would be your best bet otherwise you run the risk of (1) getting drained or (2) getting pulled down.
I see. Thanks this was helpful
ReplyDeleteHey NANA!!
DeleteAll I can is I thank God that you are no longer in that kind of life. Like you I can count with my fingers those I call friend. To your question just like Lety stated you really have to be careful if you see that the person brings you more trouble than happiness you know you have to move on. We surely can not change people all we can do is be an example to them. If you walk righteously, they will see it and try to imitate it (hopefully)
Wow Lety you just made me go back to something that I know I was very much influenced by a friend. I like what you said that we are sometimes influenced subconsciously because I've been there I wouldn't even want to share what I did because I am ashamed of it and when I read your post I had to go back and ask God for forgiveness and I will never repeat such actions. I always thought that I am hard to be influenced until I saw this post. I think that After reading this I will be more careful of what I listen to from friends I don't want to be a "RECEIVER" of bad fruits. Surrounding yourself with people that share common interest is very important and I am glad that at least now I am surrounded by those who seek nothing but GOD.
ReplyDelete