Lety i think you planned for me to get this chapter on purpose lol. This is so funny because this week i have been really working on my self and getting over my fears and how my past has hindered me in so many ways .This is not a proud moment but in the midst of working in Chicago and school in Michigan ( three hours apart) i haven't been to church since new years eve. But thank God , i found a job in Michigan and finally got an apartment here. This last weekend was one of the first weekends i have ever been in Lansing without any distraction from work, school or family so i decided to step out to visit the town with one of my Sorority sisters who took me to a housewarming. At the house warming one of my frat brothers came to me and asked me what my religion was an i told him i was a christian. Usually i have a mean and intimidating face on that guys do not even come close lol. So i looked up and smiled and asked why he replied i will like to invite you to church and to breakfast after, honestly i taught it was very creepy but i said sure because i haven't been to church in a while (and hello free food) lol. On Sunday i went to church and the pastors word was about returning to your past . I sat in the pews and i said to my self " what the frenchtoast is this brother talking about" why would you go back to a past that makes you weep or makes you feel horrible? So i sat back and tried to see where he was going with this.Honestly i almost got up and left and said in my head was this is bull crap. Why would God want you to suffer? i had all these taught running through my head .But i stayed strong and sat back to listen to him.Ladies this is one of the most powerful word i have ever heard in my whole life. IT GOT REAL. He quoted his scripture from Genesis 16:7-16. My sisters "YOUR PAIN DO NOT CHANGE GOD'S PLANS. i do not even know how to express my self now i wish each one of us was there to hear this man preach. I know day by day we always say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger an and we need to move on from our past and think about the future but can you believe sometimes God put us through our hard times and horrible past? often times i screamed i cried i wept and asked why me lord ? i have been nothing but good to you and kind to everyone else. God has a purpose for each one of us and past or unpleasant experiences draws us nearer and nearer to him.Sometimes he has t o break you down to bring you back up and make you stronger.
My heart has been heavy for sometime and i have slightly turn from a very nice sweet person to almost vague and very mean lately. I have let my past whether it being my dad dying on my 12th birthday, my heart being broken so many times, people i called friends walking all over me and my step fathers death three weeks just to name a few ,had the best of me. I have lost hope in so many things and my trust level has just been the worst. I can keep going and going but after that sermon i went straight to the alter and requested a prayer for a sense of direction in life and change my perspective of life after the sermon.And i will like each one of you to remind me in your prayers to help me with in this journey.
I will like to conclude my blog post with something Stormie stated in this chapter. She stated that if we live with our past it reflects on us. Its true because i have always had negative energy, i was always tired , i was always on defense mood ready to attack and i just looked angry all the time i was sick my pressure was high, i lost all the weight and even got diagnosed with insomnia . It was horrible that sometimes when i fell asleep my heart will beat and i will wake up and cry for no reason. I asked my frat brother later why he invited me to church and he told me because i look like i am going through things and i probably taught he was trying to hit on me but that was not the case, he just knew what the tittle of the sermon so he was glad i woke up (well he called me fifty times) to come to church and did not leave or hold back to seek a for help from GOD.
I thank God for the positive people around my life now, the advice the support, the encouragement to do good because i probably would have been suicidal by now.Just a word of advice everything happens for a reason and all our mishaps and pain gets us closer to him because when one door close many others open and if you do not think no doors are opening be patient because he has a big plan for you. There is no shallow way in life you have to go trough the narrow path.
i will like to end my blog by posing this question to you all. is it worth it to revisit your past to seek closure or work things out ? How do you know Gods wants you to purse that type of past ?
Love you all and i love deeper levelZ , Lety in the midst of your busy life i really appreciate you keeping your grind and making this book club work. It was rocky at the beginning but it turned out great. i want to thank everyone for pushing each other being accountable for each other whether it being sending reminders to post or even giving advice or commenting or calling to check other and being very open and honest.
Nana i can so relate to your past because that was me for ten years my past had a strong hold on me n control over my life ...i will cry days n nights for ten years and few ppl around knew what was going on , rebelled was madn very hurt about my dads death, have being nice to friends to found out the same ppl were stabbing me , being judge by people because i had my kid out of wedlock without knowing the real me , knowing i was dealing with acceptance, looking for love, the death of my father traumatized my soul, etc....bt in order to move on n for God to deliver me n take me out of my past i had to go bck to it i admit it n repent and ask for delivrance n healing n finally get closure....i personally think
ReplyDeleteThank you Nana and Dorcas for your transparency. I can relate to Dorcas with the experience of losing my father. Sometimes you don't know that youre spiritually holding onto something in your past, unless you open up and let someone else shine a light on what you may have missed. I always thought I was "healed" from the trauma of my dad's sudden passing but in reality I wasnt. I still have dreams that he never really passed and comes back often, then I wake up very disappointed. It wasnt until I met with the Bishop and his wife this week about something completely different and somehow I got to open up about the dreams. They then brought to my attention that I had not yet fully come to term with the reality of things. After praying with them, I felt a lot better and I have faith that those dreams will no longer occur. If there is anyone else in the group that is holding on to something from their past or being haunted by it,it would be great for you to try and share so that we can pray for you. Here a few verses that have helped me. Be blessed ladies!
ReplyDeletePhillipians 3:13-14
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
2Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us
WOW Nana... thank God for your frat brother doing his job as a brother-in-Christ. I am praying for you... and Benine I am standing in faith with you that those dreams will not come back.
ReplyDeleteTo answer Nana's question, "is it worth it to revisit your past to seek closure or work things out?", I say a big yes. Closure is very important... Otherwise the thing will remain an issue hidden on the inside of us.
You guys rock! I pray you all continue to SOAR in life and most importantly, your walk with Christ. I am so excited about your NOW and your FUTURE