Chapter 3: Lord, Help Me To Be a Forgiving Person

**This Post was written by Dorcas Sami**

Le pardon est une force qui libere! (Forgiveness is a force that liberates) When I saw that this chapter is about forgiveness, I thought to myself I'm a forgiving person already so this doesn't apply to me! as I went along reading this chapter, I discovered a lot more bout forgiveness than I thought. This chapter talks about forgiveness in four different dimensions. But I'm gonna talk about what hit me home and opened my eyes.

First, we tend to think that to hurt or wrong a person it has to be because of something dramatic or painful. No! Even the little things we say or hear sometimes said in a joking way can have an effect in our lives for years and to undo the damage you will need this simple word that we tend to neglect and minimize its power... which is forgiveness. Sometimes we are affected by things that happened years ago without realizing that it affected us, without realizing we have been holding on to it . This chapter took me back and a few people came in mind that I need to forgive.  Just like Stormie said she had no idea she had to forgive her dad.  That is why like she said we need to ask God to reveal our unforgiveness to us.

Secondly, forgiveness is an excellent choice to make and practice daily. I learned that forgiving doesn’t depend on the other person’s apology or admitting that they were wrong. I can relate to this how? I’ve been wronged by so many, called and judged by so many among them.  I still talk to some and forgave some simply because they apologized. I told myself the other ones I don’t have a problem with them but just won’t to talk to them because they haven’t apologized.  Reading this chapter shows me the reasoning that I had did not qualify me as one who has a forgiving heart.  Forgiveness doesn’t depend on ones apology and we surely aren’t doing it for them. It is a choice we should all make to set ourselves free and restored.

When unable to forgive you are actually giving the other person power over you.  For example, you could be in a room chatting with others as soon as the one who has wronged you enters the room happy even says hi to you and the reason for that the majority of the time is they don’t know that they’ve wronged or hurt you but you on the other hand are frowning, anger starts building up, and you immediately stop talking etc.. All of that is affecting you and not them and it’s giving them power over you.  You’re imprisoned.  That is why forgiving should be the easy thing to do and right choice to make. It could be hard but with prayers God will soften your heart to forgive them by doing so u are setting yourself free and letting God freely work in u and deal with them.  Like the Bible says, leave revenge for God. 

Forgiveness should start at home, with yourself and most importantly with God. Often we tend to blame him for circumstances that have occurred in our lives without realizing that. We tend to ask question like “why God, why me, why did you let that happened, don’t you have the power to heal, to not take a way who we cherish dearly” etc.  Some of you probably heard this before, after my dad’s death I rebelled, blamed God, resented him, asking open ended questions, and stopped believing.  I was born and raised in a Christian family.  When my father was ill I was told God is our healer if I keep praying my dad would be healed I did that but he still died.  As a result I had anger in me.  I didn’t want to let go, to repent not knowing that I was hurting myself and not God.  I was imprisoning myself and giving the enemy access into my life.  Not knowing that God is sovereign. For ten good years I imprisoned myself, hurting myself until two years ago I came to accept his death, I had to repent to God and ask for his forgiveness. After that I was relieved, saw some changes in my life, got closure and peace.  

I could go on with examples on why forgiveness is important but I’ll give just one more on why it is important to forgive yourself.  It is important because we can be own enemy.  After having my kid, it took me a while to forgive myself.  I was constantly blaming my kid who didn’t ask me to bring my pants down, open my legs, and bring them in this world, constantly blaming myself and them for the struggles and pain I was going through, and the crying, shame, humiliation, having my family against me, name-calling, etc. in my life.  For years, I was bitter, always on the defensive because of lack of forgiveness, etc.  Until my Pasteur and Lety helped and support me in prayers encouraging me to forgive myself and plead for God mercy and forgiveness in order to set myself free and go on to make it short I did just that and I feel no condemnation, no more shame, guilt but now I’m able to tell my stories to other with no guilt when then it was a subject taboo it couldn’t never happened but through the power of forgiveness.  Like I said in the beginning forgiveness sets u free and restores you.

Forgiving can be hard but it is possible with God's help. Forgiveness should be a daily decision and not a feeling because feelings do change from time to time we should forgive as many times as we can. How do we expect God to forgive us if we can’t forgive each other? All of us is here aren’t perfect and I’m sure we all have wronged someone as much as we have been wronged therefore we should not only receive it but we also have to be able to forgive. Why jeopardize a great future, promise that God has for us because of lack of forgiveness? Best believe unforgiving heart puts a barriers between us n God. (blockage)

That is why I encourage all of us to ask god to reveal us any bitterness, resentment or unforgiveness that we are not recognizing.  Also when you ask God to forgive you for a bad past  or anything you need to accept that He has forgiven you and has thrown that sin in the sea of forgetfulness and His blood washed away all your sins that the devil has nothing to hold against you.